The mask has slipped

The mask I wear every day, looking like I am fine, has slipped recently. Yesterday it just slipped off almost completely. Spent half hour crying in the bathroom trying to pull it together. Then in the night I managed to get maybe an hour of sleep. I did a lot of thinking during the night and I have to say not a lot of it was what you would call good. At the end of it though, feeling tired and drained I came to the conclusion that something has to change. Maybe I shouldn’t force myself to wear a mask pretending to the world everything is fine? When I thought about why I donned this mask each and every day I began to realise more and more that it was an attempt to protect myself from the judgement I assumed everyone would make about me. Something like “Oh look he …

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Yet another line in the sand

It is time to talk about mental health again. In my case the lack of it. I have been managing from day-to-day but lately my mind has begun to wander. It is taking more and more effort to keep my brain from wandering when I am ‘idle’ outside of work for instance. The problem is that when I get home my mental energy has all but gone. This leaves things I enjoy doing such as maintaining this website, working on my other pet projects and even gaming taking a sideline. I end up just sort of drifting from one night to the next. I know I need to snap out of it so I am going to draw (yet another) line in the sand today and make a more concerted effort to pull myself up. One step at a time.