Climbing back up

Sometimes my mind makes me experience more downs than ups. This was the case a few weeks ago and although I am feeling like I am coming out of it now, I still have the thoughts lurking in the back of mind during quiet times. However, I’m taking steps to break the cycle. Not big steps but small manageable ones. This way it is more likely to stick. At least that is what I am thinking. Family and friends have been amazing and I have received a lot of support at work which I am grateful for also. Not much else comes to my mind right now so here is to the future, a brighter future. A future with a path I have chosen.

The mask has slipped

The mask I wear every day, looking like I am fine, has slipped recently. Yesterday it just slipped off almost completely. Spent half hour crying in the bathroom trying to pull it together. Then in the night I managed to get maybe an hour of sleep. I did a lot of thinking during the night and I have to say not a lot of it was what you would call good. At the end of it though, feeling tired and drained I came to the conclusion that something has to change. Maybe I shouldn’t force myself to wear a mask pretending to the world everything is fine? When I thought about why I donned this mask each and every day I began to realise more and more that it was an attempt to protect myself from the judgement I assumed everyone would make about me. Something like “Oh look he …

Read more…

Struggling

It’s been a long tough week emotionally. It has been a real struggle and my energy levels have been really low. I’m trying to pick my head up though and to all that have asked how I am and supported me this week (you know who you are) I appreciate it 🙂 However, Cleo had a bad night last night and is clearly feeling it today. Hopefully some rest will make her feel better in herself. She is currently on steroids which appear to be helping her at least be comfortable.  Each day she is here is a another day we are grateful. In other news, I’ve got a few projects and jobs to work on this afternoon and just thinking about it gives me some motivation.  It is time to change my ideas into reality. You never know unless you try right? Also, going to Pen y fan last …

Read more…