The mask has slipped

The mask I wear every day, looking like I am fine, has slipped recently. Yesterday it just slipped off almost completely. Spent half hour crying in the bathroom trying to pull it together. Then in the night I managed to get maybe an hour of sleep. I did a lot of thinking during the night and I have to say not a lot of it was what you would call good. At the end of it though, feeling tired and drained I came to the conclusion that something has to change. Maybe I shouldn’t force myself to wear a mask pretending to the world everything is fine? When I thought about why I donned this mask each and every day I began to realise more and more that it was an attempt to protect myself from the judgement I assumed everyone would make about me. Something like “Oh look he …

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Yet another line in the sand

It is time to talk about mental health again. In my case the lack of it. I have been managing from day-to-day but lately my mind has begun to wander. It is taking more and more effort to keep my brain from wandering when I am ‘idle’ outside of work for instance. The problem is that when I get home my mental energy has all but gone. This leaves things I enjoy doing such as maintaining this website, working on my other pet projects and even gaming taking a sideline. I end up just sort of drifting from one night to the next. I know I need to snap out of it so I am going to draw (yet another) line in the sand today and make a more concerted effort to pull myself up. One step at a time.

The day before

This weekend has been slow and normally that would be a good thing! I can already hear you shouting at the screen “Don’t wish the weekend away!” The reason for this is that tomorrow we find out if the Cancer is back for Cleo which, try as I might, I think it is. Another lump has started to appear next to the one we found. There is not much else I can say about that except that we are not going to give up. Even though the odds are now more stacked against us. If it comes to the fact we are just pumping drugs into her and it is negatively affecting her quality of life we will stop but to me, a 50% chance is worth it. We just don’t know how soon we can tell if it works. Hopefully the vet will fill us in on our options …

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