Tough but not that tough

This week was tough for me but not as tough as it has been if that makes sense. I am still feeling tired every night when I finish work and even dropped off early last night!  I am managing to get more sleep but still averaging around 4-6 hours a night.  I did have one 8 hour sleep but I felt worse after it.  Don’t know how that works! It’s been tough for Andrew and Sheryl too with their dog Tipsy being ill.  I didn’t write about it before as it was something that is private for them but now I think it is OK.  She’s gotten much better and managing to walk and run around now which is awesome news. Walking the dog every day is helping me loads too.  At least it appears to be.  He still has a lot to learn about pulling too much though!  Also, …

Read more…

The lie

“I’m OK” The truth is I say this when I don’t mean it.  I don’t mean to lie to people but there are many reasons for not saying how I truly feel.  For instance the person I’m talking to is going through enough problems themselves and wouldn’t want to deal with mine (I think) and I also don’t want to burden them with it. This brings me to another reason, even if I said I wasn’t OK the next question is inevitably going to be “what’s wrong?”  I would not know how to even begin to answer that.  How do you explain the sudden feeling of emptiness, despair and futility of everything?  I know that it passes, I mean it passed enough today for me to write this, but at the time it takes me to the edge.  The edge of, well I won’t say it.  I refuse.  I feel …

Read more…

Drained

So last night was the second night of not sleeping properly. I feel tired during the day but as soon as my head hits the pillow, bam my brain goes into overdrive.  It is not even anything in particular.  Could be ideas to fix bugs in software at work I’d recently been working on, plans to do other things in my spare time or just random wandering through my past.  I hope I can break this cycle soon.  I am finding it really hard right now to find the energy. I’m still getting headaches too.  Not as bad as they have been but still there nonetheless.  I’m waiting for new glasses in about a week so hopefully that will help although my prescription is not that different albeit from 5 years ago at the last test.  Yes, I know, I should do it yearly.  I have no excuse.  I need …

Read more…