Keeping the beast at bay

This morning started off badly for me mentally. For some reason an ominous feeling came over me which I couldn’t shake. I racked my brain trying to think of a reason. Maybe I forgot to do something? As the day progressed though nothing bad happened. In fact it was a good day mostly in the office. It just goes to show that depression is an evil beast seemingly striking with no reason.  I’ve been having a good week too. I won’t quite write off the week goal based on this incident but it definitely took a blow. I’m still having energy level problems and I’ve been planning on taking more exercise in the evenings and weekends.  Hopefully after a few weeks of that I’ll start to feel the benefits.  Also in a couple of weeks, Tyrion will have had his last injection and I can take him for walks too.  …

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Just rolling on

Today was a good day. Haven’t felt like I was this in control of my mind for a long time. Feel like I’ve managed to place a lot of things into different boxes. I’ve set myself some goals and actually pushed myself to do them outside of work. Having started I don’t know why I didn’t do it earlier. I guess I needed to push myself to do it.  Kicking and screaming. It is never that easy with depression though. Hard to break the cycle of not feeling worth anything and not having energy to do anything which leads to feelings of more worthlessness and further and further downward we go.  Writing here more often has helped me a lot too I think. Letting the thoughts just flow from my mind (almost) unfiltered feels good. I would like to improve my memory though. I am kind of in the habit …

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Must be a Monday thing

At the end of a 5 day break and I have to say I am feeling much better in myself. I did have a little wobble this morning. For some reason my stomach was turning over at the prospect of going to work. It is not work itself as I have the same feeling sometimes just going out shopping. It is hard to explain but I am sometimes just happy in my bubble. Typing that now it even sounds weird to me. The anxiety kicks in and my brain starts thinking unreasonable things like “What if I’ve let someone down?” and “People are staring at me. I must look weird.”  Both of these things are irrational (ok, maybe not the I look weird one 😉 ) but I can’t make myself realise that. On the more positive side of things – I’ve managed to spend some time during the break …

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