The rut

It has been about a week since I last posted and I’ll be honest, I don’t know where a lot of the week went.  Some might say that is a good thing but is it?  It is never a good thing to essentially lose part of your life.  I feel like I am on autopilot a lot of the time.  Well, most of the time if I am truthful.  I need to break the cycle and do something different with my spare time.  The trouble is deciding on what that is though.  I have some ideas as I am sure I have said before, but I never seem to either start them or have the concentration levels to stick with them.  There are some things I need to do which will (hopefully) lead to having better concentration and energy levels, and that is getting fit and losing weight. More often …

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Out of the gloom

Things were going well for a while since my last post.  Despite that, I should have been posting in the good times, not just the bad.  I do not know why I didn’t. However, that time of things going well was short-lived.  My mood started shifting downwards again and everyday things I had coped with became huge, impassible mountains in my mind.  I began to withdraw. I was hiding in the toilets whenever things got on top of me just crying or trying desperately to snap out of it.  A lot of the time I think it worked.  At least it didn’t appear as anyone noticed much.  Some mentions were made, but I was always quick to deny it. However, I knew deep down in my mind that I could never sustain it.  Looking back on that now I know it was a mistake. The day finally came when, after coming …

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