Lee

The lull

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The last post I made turned out to be my 100th.  I should I have marked it somehow?  Meh. Anyway, at the moment, I am still in cruise control with my mood.  It hasn’t dropped much at least.  The only problem is my motivation to do anything creative outside of work has dropped off a cliff.  It is strange.  Just before I go to bed at night, I have all these ideas and think to myself that tomorrow I’ll do those things.  Then tomorrow comes, and I don’t.  I wish I could get out of the rut.  I will have to force myself to do a little each day to get back into things.  I’m sure that when I do, I’ll find my groove again. I’m having a lot of shoulder pain after an hour or so in a chair too.  That doesn’t help, and I am not sure why …

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Bumpy

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The last part of yesterday and so far today I have started to feel like I am getting off a bumpy road.  Since my last post, I have been experiencing a fair few mood swings.  Anger and anxiety welling up for seemingly no reason.  At least not one that I can put my finger on at the time or even afterwards. If you continue to read on, please know that some things written here could contain triggers.  Most of my blog could be categorised as such, so please take care. Luckily for people around me, this dark period seems to have now passed.  I feel so bad that it happens and although most people understand I still can’t help feel like I am a burden.  I am ashamed to admit that I did think that maybe it would have been better if my first attempt to end it was successful.  …

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Exhaustion and hope

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It is only Tuesday night, and already I feel burned out.  Not sure why.  Nothing really has changed in my routine except for maybe my sleep patterns not being too great.  It is not tiredness, I feel.  It is more of mental exhaustion.  I am off work on Friday, and at this point, I cannot wait.  It will be nice to recharge for an extra day.  Vicks birthday is on Saturday, and normally we would be away.  Most likely at her favourite place – the Harry Potter Studio Tour in Watford but not this year.  Let’s hope that next year is a better year for us and all.  Let us hope that the vaccines that are currently in trials work well and safely so we can all start to take the fight to the virus.  Hopefully, in time, we can eradicate it. However, reading the news today about antibodies not …

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