I feel strangely odd today. I feel calm, but I can also feel frustration bubbling under the surface. The bubbling seems to be getting louder. If it keeps up at this pace, it will be at a boiling point pretty soon. I do feel like I am making progress with expressing my frustrations though which may not be going down well with some. However, all of the things I have let out recently have been simmering for quite some time. It’s odd that with this venting of my frustrations the bubbling is not subsiding. Maybe I underestimated just how much I needed to vent? I do not want to let it all out and once but perhaps I should open the valve a bit more? It certainly feels liberating to let so many things out finally.
Why is it despite getting a few things in order and generally feeling like I am getting on the right track that I feel like a storm is brewing inside me? Perhaps I am just in the eye of it at the moment? Maybe others can see the storm coming from my direction but, for whatever reason, are not telling me about it? What is more likely though is the age-old problem I have, which is when things seem to be on the up that my mind goes into an almost never-ending second-guessing doomsday scenario mode. It is just another manifestation of my illnesses self-destructive properties. The level of overthinking I do never ceases to amaze me. Always reaching higher and higher levels that I never thought was possible.
As a side note, we could do with an actual storm around here to clear the air a bit. I can’t help feeling suppressed by the atmosphere. So, weather Gods, let there be an excellent storm tonight. I love thunderstorms. The sound of them somehow calms me. I doubt I am alone in this. I have an app on my phone that records my sleep, which plays thunderstorm sounds until it thinks I am asleep. It frequently tells me about my “social jet lag” being over 60 mins and to go to sleep earlier. As much as I’d like to, I have never been able to turn in early regularly. Tonight though I may make an exception. I am feeling a little of that mid-week burnout. If anyone wants to check the app out, it is called Sleep as Android and can be found on the Google play store by going HERE. The link is massive and may not work, but if you search for Sleep as Android, you should be good.
In other news, I’ve been playing a few different Lego games on the Xbox lately and although obviously simple games they are somewhat relaxing and good for short bursts of fun. On that note, I think I’ll leave this post with a link to a track I have been playing quite a bit lately: