Ever decreasing circle

Never have I felt more at a loss as to what to write but also knowing what I want to write but not being able to express it.  That is a confusing sentence.  Imagine your thoughts being that contradicting nearly all the time.  That is my life right now.  My mind wants to go in a million different directions, my heart feels empty and broken, and my body aches almost everywhere.  More often than not though lately, I want to explode and let rip in any direction.  It is hard for me to write this, but I am lost.  I do not know where to go next, what the future holds and even where I want to go.  All I know is there is no future in feeling like this, but how do I stop feeling like this?  There is no way out.  No sane way out anyway.  I feel like I am skating on the edge of an ever decreasing circle.   It is no longer a question of whether I am going to fall off, but when that is going to happen.  I feel it will be soon.

I’m hurting people around me, but I can’t seem to stop.  It is not intentional and certainly not something I do consciously.  I wouldn’t blame everyone for abandoning ship as it were and swim away from this slowly sinking, directionless voyage I am on.   I won’t hold a grudge or feel any ill will.  I’ll go down with the ship.

1 thought on “Ever decreasing circle”

  1. If we should somehow float away from each other dude, I’ll be working hard to get back to you. Check this song out and remember that if you’re feeling lost, somewhere out there you’ve got a friend, and you’ll never walk alone again.

    https://youtu.be/09zLcN7CX70

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