I was going to write something yesterday, but I couldn’t find the words. Not much has changed today, but I’ll muddle through. As a disclaimer, I never claimed to be a good writer!
Yesterday I went to my first counselling session. Leading up to it I was more than a little nervous as my last post will attest! I did get a bit lost on the way there as the Satnav insisted on taking me down weird single lane roads! However, once I had been speaking for a little while this feeling ebbed away. It was still not easy though and some of the questions she was asking stumped me a little. I don’t know if that is normal for the beginning of counselling. It seemed quite natural but then not at the same time. That doesn’t make any sense, but it is the best I can do to describe what I was feeling.
One thing is for sure though; the session did bring up interesting questions and make me look at things from a different perspective. Some stuff I adamantly thought as I went in do not seem so definite now. Things like how I perceive myself or how I feel others see me. So I think it was worth it. Still early days but I think it is by no means a waste of time. I want to thank the people who supported me leading up to this by reassuring me and just being there for me. It helped me more than I can express face to face. I know that most times I do not express my gratitude openly at the time. I don’t mean to be that way, and I am not ungrateful. I find it hard to unclench my emotions for want of a better word.
Today went ok at work mentally and emotionally. It was undoubtedly one of my better days. It also felt like I made some progress on the tasks instead of the feeling of “I’m never gonna get to the end.” No doubt I have lots of work, but I feel like I can control it better. I hope I can maintain this feeling, but I am not that naive to think that it will be like this 100% of the time. I have to try and remember during the sad moments how this feels. I don’t know if that is possible though.
I haven’t planned much for this weekend, but I do know what I would like to achieve. Top of the list is relaxing and spending more time with my wife. I don’t know how she feels about that though! I guess she always has the option of telling me to go away back to my man cave (such that it is.) I also want to spend time improving this site and my stream setup. I am still not sure how to set out some things. The most specific issue is the viewer chat. Although, this is not such an issue if I am streaming from my pc as it is pretty much in my face, when I am on my Xbox I think I may miss it. Perhaps there is a custom mod or an option in Streamlabs OBS I am missing. If anyone out there has some experience or tips for this, please drop me a line.
Lastly, I’d like to make at least some progress on the Android app I’m developing. I feel it has been gathering a little dust.