I have a feeling this post is going to go through many, many edits. Even then, I do not think I will manage to get my point across without offending some people. However, in the spirit of my reboot, I will not hold anything back. I’m open to discussion about this and indeed anything even if I haven’t posted about it. The debate is healthy as long as it is not hostile.
With that out of the way, let’s begin. I lay awake a night or two ago thinking about the way we sometimes feel obligations to say or act a certain way. A lot of the time, these feelings come from a good place, but this post is not about those feelings. This post is about feeling obligated to do something when you don’t feel like doing something. The kind of things that if you didn’t do, you’d feel bad about or think you may make others feel bad if you don’t do it. For example, one day, I could be feeling pretty low or generally feel like withdrawing into my world for a day, but a friend has asked you to do something. This something is maybe something you have been semi-unconsciously avoiding for a while now so, even though you don’t feel like it and it will likely make you feel drained, you agree to do it out of obligation to the others feelings at the expense of your own. Now, I am not saying everyone should be selfish and always do only what makes yourself happy or comfortable by any means, especially if someone needs you to do something with them or for them. I am talking about when some people want you to do something, and if you didn’t do that thing, it wouldn’t be a big problem in the grand scheme of things.
I guess what I am trying to say (and I think I am failing at a little) is that you need to put yourself first sometimes. More than that you need to be honest with others about how you are feeling. If they care for you, they will try to understand and support you. If they don’t, then maybe you need to re-evaluate your relationship with them?
This kind of all stems from being kind of a doormat for a lot of my life (at least that is what some people call me.) I don’t like to think I am, but maybe there is some truth to that, and that is the some of the point of my reboot. I am trying to change some of my behaviours. Especially then ones that negatively affect me for no good reason.
This is all part of me trying to understand myself and trying to get my head at least a little straighter. I have no doubt I will stumble along the way. Failing is OK as long as we learn from it. I need to tell myself that more.