I’m feeling a weird today, and yes I am fully expecting the addition of “today?” to that in the comments! I need to reschedule my meds to the evening again for a while at least. I’m starting to get little “zaps” in my head which sometimes force me to blink for a few seconds. The zaps are a sign of withdrawal which means I am coming off them too fast so I’ll have to slow down the taper. My ultimate goal is to become antidepressant free and manage my illness another way. I will work with the doctor on this, but after all these years I do not believe that the drugs are the answer. If anything they dull the world around me to the point where everything is just a slightly different shade of grey. There are no highs or lows. I do think that the medication keeps me below the middle ground and tends to anchor me to the lower end of mood.
I’ve started to write up some plans to improve myself mentally and physically. Granted I haven’t implemented them or even shared them with anyone. I do not think I am at the point where I can. Maybe it is embarrassment or just that I am unwilling to uncover it until I can stick with it. So, for now, it sits on my pc in a folder of unused ideas, rough notes and plans that I have amassed over the years.
Yesterday Vick and I went out for a walk with the dog. I love going out together even if it is just for an hour or so at a time and Tyrion certainly seems to love it! Although for some reason he still hasn’t mastered matching my walking pace. He also loves to go the wrong way around obstacles causing him to tie himself up. He only exacerbates this problem when he is on the extending lead! Yesterday he decided to tie himself up on a tree, and when he realised what he did he just kept going in the same direction making the situation worse! He is not smart so let’s leave it at that. He loved running across the field, taking in the scenery and smells. It was a lovely day, and I loved every minute of it.
I did stream a little yesterday which went ok. However, the stream alerts decided to break, the layers are a bit out of order, and it turns out the level of the mic (despite showing as registering on the software) is not audible to the viewer. So yeah, back to the drawing board a little later today!
As a side note, I’ve just been staring at the title section for this post, and I’m drawing a blank. So whatever title this ends up with it will probably suck. Why is it so hard to come up with a post title when the rest of the post seems to flow from my fingers once I start?
I’ll end with an appropriate song for yesterday: