Ruts

I am known to get stuck in ruts at the best of times, so it is no surprise that right now I don’t just feel in a rut but a vast, deep trench.  Initially, when this lockdown started, I was okay and handled it quite well.  I’ll be honest I am not the most outgoing person in the world, and I do thrive on my own company which, when I write that down it does sound pretty sad.  I suppose I should own my introversion.  However, it seems I do have a limit to how much I can stand isolation.  I am finding myself even missing going out shopping.  Some people reading this will be shocked at that, but well, there it is!  I guess I miss just being able to go out when I want.

Moreover, even when I do go out to collect a prescription or something, a sense of dread creeps up on me.  Slowly at first and soon I can’t wait to get back in the house.  I am more than a little concerned that the longer this goes on, the harder it will be for me to go out and feel relaxed.  I mean, I get edgy in large crowds even when it was the safest of times, but now, well you can imagine what happens to me.  If I just see someone walking towards me, I start to stress out and look for routes to avoid them even if they can easily pass the requisite 2 metres away.

I doubt I am on my own in this.  I won’t say “hopefully” since I hope nobody feels like this, but in some of the forums and groups I am in, I see discussions around this topic so I guess I can take comfort in that I am not alone in feeling this way.  I wish nobody did but a problem shared is better than trying to carry it alone to butcher a phrase.

It is also lucky that I have been able to work from home since some don’t have that option.  A lot of people have lost their jobs due to this.  Having said I am lucky, it is getting increasingly difficult to maintain the work-life balance since my work station is less than a couple of feet from my personal space.  I am pretty good at shutting down the physical work stuff at the end of my day but not so much at shutting down the old noggin to quote my brother Andrew.  Lots of random things kicking around up there that really shouldn’t be.

So, yeah, here I am again.  So much going on in my mind but little of it coming out in useful ways in my time.  I am getting to flex my creative juices a lot more at work though which in all honesty I am enjoying.  Every cloud has a silver lining and all that.

Stay safe, everyone.  I’ll try to be a better person.

5 thoughts on “Ruts”

  1. You are a better person lee we are all feeling the same way .I am like you fed up of staying in then panic when I have to go out . I am also in a frontline job that I love but frightens me at the same time .cannot wait for this to be over so I can come give all my boys a massive big hug cos I miss you all so much it hurts .I worry about you all so much just want you all to be safe and well. I am proud of all of you and love you all so much .so till we can meet up when this is over stay safe stay well xxxx

  2. You are an amazing person Lee you don’t need to try and be better, what you have written is pretty much close to what I’m feeling. This virus has made me a Paranoid bag of nerves shopping is the most stressful thing ever 🙄
    I am looking forward to having my little work family back and a few mother nature’s when we are released x

    • Thank you. I’m looking forward to us all getting back together too. Many glasses and shenanigans to be had! Take care.

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