I typed in the title for this post and clicked save when the permalink changed it to Sunday Blues-2. So I changed the title and realised I am not good at making titles and, more importantly, this is not the first time I have been here. I am here, in this mindset almost every weekend. Except for this weekend, it has lasted pretty much from Saturday morning onwards. I’ve been looking at this page for a long time. The cursor was blinking at me. Not quite sure where I am going with this post, so I’ll just let my mind wander. I am finding it hard to focus these days too. My attention is continuously wandering, and I have to fight hard to keep my mind in the right place. Working, designing and building things help, but if it gets too busy around me, my concentration wanes.
I downloaded the Brain Trainer game on the Switch a few days ago and haven’t even started it. I guess that sums it all up! At this point, I am getting desperate for any help or pointers on how to break out of this. No matter how small or no matter how fleeting the relief is. I need it.
I know this thought will probably sound bad, but I want to feel useful again. At the moment I think I am the last resort or last choice. I don’t know how much of that is true but what I do know is that my mind won’t let go of the thought. On top of that, a lot of things that have happened over the last years to me that have bourne out this thought.
At the moment I am listening to some random ska tracks and skipping past the ones that are not uplifting or trying to be uplifting. Listening to ska usually works for me, but today not so much. I am at risk of repeating myself over and over, so I think I will leave today’s post there.