Tiredness returns

Last night was a waking nightmare for me.  I think I saw almost every hour of the clock.  I felt shattered when I went into the office this morning and wasn’t sure I could make it through.  A couple of cups of tea later, some minor bug fixes and new developments completed though and I was sailing.  Around half 4 I started to flag again but considering the lack of sleep and the random pains I don’t think that is too bad.  I spent the last half hour updating notes, workflows and tickets. I’m glad to be home though, I don’t think I’ll be doing much tonight.  Maybe some games.  I’m thinking of starting to take some vitamins also.  Might perk me up a bit.  I’m pretty sure I’m lacking in some of them.  Any ideas on what is best to try or should I just go for those one …

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The beast broke through

Last Monday the beast broke through once again. I almost made it to a week though. Again, I broke down at my desk and had to leave. I went back to the doctors again and after a chat he doubled my dose and suggested I lose weight and get more exercise. It is hard to get more exercise as I feel so low all the time but I will push myself hard and make the effort. This weekend will be the first time I can walk Tyrion too so that will help me. As for losing weight, maybe when I start exercising more I will feel more motivated to stick to a plan.  Comfort eating is my weakness so when my mood improves so should my diet (in theory!) Since the new dose however, I am feeling more tired than usual. I have only doubled it since Thursday last week so perhaps …

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Just rolling on

Today was a good day. Haven’t felt like I was this in control of my mind for a long time. Feel like I’ve managed to place a lot of things into different boxes. I’ve set myself some goals and actually pushed myself to do them outside of work. Having started I don’t know why I didn’t do it earlier. I guess I needed to push myself to do it.  Kicking and screaming. It is never that easy with depression though. Hard to break the cycle of not feeling worth anything and not having energy to do anything which leads to feelings of more worthlessness and further and further downward we go.  Writing here more often has helped me a lot too I think. Letting the thoughts just flow from my mind (almost) unfiltered feels good. I would like to improve my memory though. I am kind of in the habit …

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