Skirting the edge

Another long week draws to a close and although I have made it, I honestly don’t know how.  If it wasn’t for the overwhelming support I’ve been getting from family and friends I don’t think I would have.  I know that sounds dark but every night I descend into an abyss and it takes me awhile to come out of it every morning.  Friday was one such day.  I wasn’t able to pull myself out of it either.  Perhaps it’s just the effort of keeping going that drains me by the time Friday comes around? Increasingly I find myself thinking of the end.  Just so I can rest.  Just to have some peace.  I feel like I am becoming a burden to those around me.  The same people I am meant to look after and protect.  I do not want to be like that or thought of like that but …

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Danger: Darkness ahead

I’d like to start this post off with a trigger warning.  A lot of this post is quite sensitive and frankly dark (even for me.)  However, I feel I have to write it.  It is time I stopped hiding it and I apologise if this post upsets anyone.  This was not my intention.  If you think it might then please stop reading now. Last night was a rough night.  As you may know, I have not been sleeping well for what seems like an age now.  When I do get to sleep it is rarely restful and definitely not calm.  Although the nightmares have stopped for the last day or two I still cannot get some decent rest.  I woke up really early and for the first time I actually had to write a list of reasons to go on.  I won’t go into details but the balance was tipped …

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Eventful weekend

Well, my weekend got off to a great start! Woke up Saturday morning with a black eye forming.  I’ve been having nightmares for a while but it has never resulted in me physically hurting myself.  I just wish I could remember what the dreams were about.  All I remember is the sense of dread for a while after waking. This also coincided with a mental health assessment appointment I had finally managed to get for 12 that day too.  So who knows what she was thinking looking at that as I sat down!  The appointment went well though even though I ended up feeling mentally exhausted afterwards.  I always get that way when I talk about things.  Especially to strangers.  It did feel like a kind of release though.  I’ve been booked in for a week Monday for a follow-up and this may turn into weekly or fortnightly appointments. The …

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