The rise

After what seems like an eternity I am beginning to rise up again.  I started back at work this week and so far I’ve been coping.  I’ve had a lot of support especially from family and friends but also at work too.  It wasn’t easy going back though and it was even harder as the week went on.  I felt I was getting drained quite easily (mentally at least) but I made it.  I am sure it will get easier from here on in.  I moved desks so I am closer to my friends and that has helped a lot.  Lots of banter from Matthew and Annemarie in the office mixed in with Nathan is great!  Chris and Deb chipping in too. I think I’ve managed to take on a different perspective for a lot of things.  Although it is very easy to see how I could slip back.  Sometimes …

Read more…

The decline

I’ve been staring at this blank text box for about half an hour now. I have so much to say but I am not sure how to write it.  There may be some jumping around as things come back to me at random.  At least at the moment.  I’ll try my best to edit it into a reasonable reading state though! It has been a long time since I posted.  The usual reasons still apply but this time it has been a lot darker than ever before.  I warn you now.  There are a few triggering subjects within and some things that might shock my friends, family and some people reading this.  I feel I have to do this as a start to my recovery and today being a rare day (so far) for me to have the energy and mindset to do so, I thought I’d best get it …

Read more…

Skirting the edge

Another long week draws to a close and although I have made it, I honestly don’t know how.  If it wasn’t for the overwhelming support I’ve been getting from family and friends I don’t think I would have.  I know that sounds dark but every night I descend into an abyss and it takes me awhile to come out of it every morning.  Friday was one such day.  I wasn’t able to pull myself out of it either.  Perhaps it’s just the effort of keeping going that drains me by the time Friday comes around? Increasingly I find myself thinking of the end.  Just so I can rest.  Just to have some peace.  I feel like I am becoming a burden to those around me.  The same people I am meant to look after and protect.  I do not want to be like that or thought of like that but …

Read more…