anxiety

Fractured for a while

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We are living in dark and trying times.  I have been thinking about writing for quite some time, but also I have been thinking that the issues I am having and the thoughts I am feeling are nothing compared to what a vast number of people are experiencing every day during this pandemic.  I think that writing about my struggles are somehow diminishing what others are going through.  Am I wrong to feel that?  I don’t think so but equally; I do need to talk about what is going on, both out in the world and here in my bubble.  If this post offends anyone, then I apologise.  However, mental health is now more than ever, a topic that must be discussed. Every day I feel a sense of time going slowly but also quickly.  I know that doesn’t make sense.  Maybe it is because every day is just the …

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Sunday blues revisited

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I typed in the title for this post and clicked save when the permalink changed it to Sunday Blues-2.  So I changed the title and realised I am not good at making titles and, more importantly, this is not the first time I have been here.  I am here, in this mindset almost every weekend.  Except for this weekend, it has lasted pretty much from Saturday morning onwards.  I’ve been looking at this page for a long time.  The cursor was blinking at me.  Not quite sure where I am going with this post, so I’ll just let my mind wander.  I am finding it hard to focus these days too.  My attention is continuously wandering, and I have to fight hard to keep my mind in the right place.  Working, designing and building things help, but if it gets too busy around me, my concentration wanes. I downloaded the …

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Feeling strange

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I made a deal with myself to write a post even when my mind is telling me not to.  I feel like I should, but as soon as I hit the “Add Post” button, I instantly wanted to discard the post.  I suppose that explains how I am currently feeling.  Well, at least a little. The truth is I don’t know why I’m suddenly feeling a little, well, adrift.  The day I had today was pretty good.  Yesterday was pretty good too.  I was able to (dare I say I was allowed?) to create something.  To be creative.  I mean nothing is stopping me from doing that in my spare time except for the ever-looming “black dog” called depression that is. When I was creating something and feeling my way through the inevitable problems that the creation process throws up, I was lost in my own world, and I felt …

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