Toughest week for a while

Before I start, it goes without saying this blog can be triggering.  In fact almost every post I write has references to triggering subjects.  That being said here goes: A tough week or so for me.  I know I have said that before but this week has been horrendous for me.  I’ve managed to keep it together enough to work but sometimes I don’t know how I did.  At least now I am starting a just over a week break. Some truths to follow which I haven’t shared this week: I have sat crying in the bathroom on more than one occasion. I have stared at a handful of pills contemplating ending things. I have thought about cutting myself again. I’ll be honest with you, if I had more courage I would have done 2 and 3.  I know that might shock some people.  Perhaps not courage.  Perhaps there is …

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Battery is getting low

I think I am starting to feel a dip in my mood.  Over the last few days I’m having to try harder to motivate myself to get up and move.  Not sure what is triggering it this time.  Maybe I am just getting fatigued more easily these days?  I am trying my best not to let it get to me though but it is hard.  I feel like I am running at about 30% all the time.  Always looking to get to the next mile post or the next charging point so to speak.  Not enjoying the journey just enduring it.  That is not how I want to be and for the most part, since I’ve been back, that is not how I have been.  I really hope I’m not slipping again. Recently I began to set up a streaming platform upstairs.  However, my internet upload is currently letting me …

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I’ve made it

I’ve made it. Well, through just over a month back at work anyway.  The last few days leading up to this point have been difficult.  Sleep has been very elusive so this break of two weeks has come at the right time I think. I need to decompress.  It has been much better than it was before I was off sick.  Much better.  Overall, I will be able to cope going forward and now that the stress of the car is gone I can kick back and relax in the sun.  A lads week in Benidorm for the Six Nations will be great!  There will be copious amounts of banter no doubt!  Also leading into it with the record Wales has currently achieved sets up for a possible impressive Grand Slam! I am worried about Vicky though.  Her pain is worsening and it is affecting her mentally too.  I wish …

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