Feeling strange

I made a deal with myself to write a post even when my mind is telling me not to.  I feel like I should, but as soon as I hit the “Add Post” button, I instantly wanted to discard the post.  I suppose that explains how I am currently feeling.  Well, at least a little. The truth is I don’t know why I’m suddenly feeling a little, well, adrift.  The day I had today was pretty good.  Yesterday was pretty good too.  I was able to (dare I say I was allowed?) to create something.  To be creative.  I mean nothing is stopping me from doing that in my spare time except for the ever-looming “black dog” called depression that is. When I was creating something and feeling my way through the inevitable problems that the creation process throws up, I was lost in my own world, and I felt …

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Back to blogging

I haven’t posted since November!  Looking at the date, I am barely able to comprehend the time that has gone by!  I know the old saying is time flies when you are having fun, but in this case, there hasn’t been a lot of fun going on.  Everything seems to have passed me by in a blur, and I can barely remember the months.  Due to the nature of how my illness works, I won’t be saying that I won’t leave it this long again.  If I had that level of control over my illness, then I guess I would no longer be ill.  At least not affected to the extent it affects me now.  Don’t get me wrong; I am doing better.  What I mean by that is that I am coping better.  I have found a sort of “groove of wellness” for want of a better phrase.  However, …

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Out of the gloom

Things were going well for a while since my last post.  Despite that, I should have been posting in the good times, not just the bad.  I do not know why I didn’t. However, that time of things going well was short-lived.  My mood started shifting downwards again and everyday things I had coped with became huge, impassible mountains in my mind.  I began to withdraw. I was hiding in the toilets whenever things got on top of me just crying or trying desperately to snap out of it.  A lot of the time I think it worked.  At least it didn’t appear as anyone noticed much.  Some mentions were made, but I was always quick to deny it. However, I knew deep down in my mind that I could never sustain it.  Looking back on that now I know it was a mistake. The day finally came when, after coming …

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