The decline

I’ve been staring at this blank text box for about half an hour now. I have so much to say but I am not sure how to write it.  There may be some jumping around as things come back to me at random.  At least at the moment.  I’ll try my best to edit it into a reasonable reading state though! It has been a long time since I posted.  The usual reasons still apply but this time it has been a lot darker than ever before.  I warn you now.  There are a few triggering subjects within and some things that might shock my friends, family and some people reading this.  I feel I have to do this as a start to my recovery and today being a rare day (so far) for me to have the energy and mindset to do so, I thought I’d best get it …

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Eventful weekend

Well, my weekend got off to a great start! Woke up Saturday morning with a black eye forming.  I’ve been having nightmares for a while but it has never resulted in me physically hurting myself.  I just wish I could remember what the dreams were about.  All I remember is the sense of dread for a while after waking. This also coincided with a mental health assessment appointment I had finally managed to get for 12 that day too.  So who knows what she was thinking looking at that as I sat down!  The appointment went well though even though I ended up feeling mentally exhausted afterwards.  I always get that way when I talk about things.  Especially to strangers.  It did feel like a kind of release though.  I’ve been booked in for a week Monday for a follow-up and this may turn into weekly or fortnightly appointments. The …

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The pit

It has been a while since I posted and based on my last post you’d be right in getting the impression I was getting better. At the time I thought I was then, not long after I had the biggest bout I have ever had. I had to take some time off work and basically became a hermit.  All the advice was to get out and do things but all I could see around me was darkness. I know that sounds dramatic but it is the only way I can even begin to describe how I was feeling. My sleep patterns were pretty much backwards when I could sleep at all and every waking moment felt like, well, like hell. I couldn’t see a way out. I still don’t know what triggered it and I suppose I may never know. Something just flipped in my head and I just didn’t …

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