mood

Back to blogging

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I haven’t posted since November!  Looking at the date, I am barely able to comprehend the time that has gone by!  I know the old saying is time flies when you are having fun, but in this case, there hasn’t been a lot of fun going on.  Everything seems to have passed me by in a blur, and I can barely remember the months.  Due to the nature of how my illness works, I won’t be saying that I won’t leave it this long again.  If I had that level of control over my illness, then I guess I would no longer be ill.  At least not affected to the extent it affects me now.  Don’t get me wrong; I am doing better.  What I mean by that is that I am coping better.  I have found a sort of “groove of wellness” for want of a better phrase.  However, …

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Mental seesaw

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I think I’ve reached a balance point mentally.  Maybe that is wrong?  Perhaps a better way of explaining my current mental state is, although it tips wildly in either direction from anger/sadness to happiness/contentment, is that it returns to the centre quickly.   That is good news.  However, I am finding that my mind wanders quite a lot when I find myself with a little time to myself.  I can’t seem to focus on much or stick with things easily during my free time.  I’m sure everyone has those moments of clarity when they are standing in the shower whereby you have a million and one thoughts flying around in your head, and you know what you want to do with yourself.  When I get out though and cool down from the shower, my motivation and concentration dip to pretty much zero.  I read somewhere that your mind flows more freely …

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Calm before the storm?

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I feel strangely odd today.  I feel calm, but I can also feel frustration bubbling under the surface.  The bubbling seems to be getting louder.  If it keeps up at this pace, it will be at a boiling point pretty soon.  I do feel like I am making progress with expressing my frustrations though which may not be going down well with some.  However, all of the things I have let out recently have been simmering for quite some time.  It’s odd that with this venting of my frustrations the bubbling is not subsiding.  Maybe I underestimated just how much I needed to vent?  I do not want to let it all out and once but perhaps I should open the valve a bit more?  It certainly feels liberating to let so many things out finally. Why is it despite getting a few things in order and generally feeling like …

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