More downs than ups

Since my last, relatively positive post (at least positive for me) I have been on a mostly downward path.  For a while I managed to, mostly at least, stay level. A few weeks ago, maybe longer I don’t know, I’ve been constantly looking on the negative side of everything. My moods have been erratic.  This has even spilled over into places it never has before.  I can normally contain it and control it but lately I haven’t been able to. This past week has been as bad as I can remember. This is despite positive things happening. That sounds weird right? I know you are probably thinking “How can he be overwhelmingly depressed when good things are happening?”  I wish I knew. I’ve joined a few support groups to try to open up more and maybe get another perspective on my illness (I’ve just realised this is the first time …

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Yet another line in the sand

It is time to talk about mental health again. In my case the lack of it. I have been managing from day-to-day but lately my mind has begun to wander. It is taking more and more effort to keep my brain from wandering when I am ‘idle’ outside of work for instance. The problem is that when I get home my mental energy has all but gone. This leaves things I enjoy doing such as maintaining this website, working on my other pet projects and even gaming taking a sideline. I end up just sort of drifting from one night to the next. I know I need to snap out of it so I am going to draw (yet another) line in the sand today and make a more concerted effort to pull myself up. One step at a time.

The fight is over

Another Thursday, another trip to the vets. Except that today it turned out to be the last one for the treatment. After examining Cleo, the vet confirmed Cleo has not gone back into remission and she is not going to do so. After a long and heartbreaking discussion, we decided to stop putting her through treatments that wasn’t going to change anything. The vet has been amazing. Everyone there has been. We couldn’t have asked for better care. We did all we could, explored every option, gave Cleo every chance but in the end the cancer has won. Before we left the vet asked if the nurses could see Cleo one last time. Cleo has that effect on people, everyone loves her and I am pretty sure she knows it too. Now all we can do is monitor her from day-to-day and when it looks like it is getting to …

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