Somebody slow down the treadmill

Another day, another struggle. That pretty much sums up my day today. It has been almost a week now since I doubled my dose and I still haven’t seen a benefit. Maybe I am being too impatient? I’m tired pretty much all the time.  I’m also getting headaches and a weird tingling sensation in my head. It is hard to explain but it seems to stop me in my tracks. I have to admit I am getting worried I won’t be able to pull myself back out of this one.  Every time I think of a solution I think of twice the amount of things that could go wrong with that solution.  Feel like I am on a treadmill that is going slightly faster than I can run.  I’m slowly falling backwards. I’ve decided to take part in a study on depression which I am hoping will help me understand …

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More downs than ups

Since my last, relatively positive post (at least positive for me) I have been on a mostly downward path.  For a while I managed to, mostly at least, stay level. A few weeks ago, maybe longer I don’t know, I’ve been constantly looking on the negative side of everything. My moods have been erratic.  This has even spilled over into places it never has before.  I can normally contain it and control it but lately I haven’t been able to. This past week has been as bad as I can remember. This is despite positive things happening. That sounds weird right? I know you are probably thinking “How can he be overwhelmingly depressed when good things are happening?”  I wish I knew. I’ve joined a few support groups to try to open up more and maybe get another perspective on my illness (I’ve just realised this is the first time …

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Yet another line in the sand

It is time to talk about mental health again. In my case the lack of it. I have been managing from day-to-day but lately my mind has begun to wander. It is taking more and more effort to keep my brain from wandering when I am ‘idle’ outside of work for instance. The problem is that when I get home my mental energy has all but gone. This leaves things I enjoy doing such as maintaining this website, working on my other pet projects and even gaming taking a sideline. I end up just sort of drifting from one night to the next. I know I need to snap out of it so I am going to draw (yet another) line in the sand today and make a more concerted effort to pull myself up. One step at a time.