The pit

It has been a while since I posted and based on my last post you’d be right in getting the impression I was getting better. At the time I thought I was then, not long after I had the biggest bout I have ever had. I had to take some time off work and basically became a hermit.  All the advice was to get out and do things but all I could see around me was darkness. I know that sounds dramatic but it is the only way I can even begin to describe how I was feeling. My sleep patterns were pretty much backwards when I could sleep at all and every waking moment felt like, well, like hell. I couldn’t see a way out.

I still don’t know what triggered it and I suppose I may never know. Something just flipped in my head and I just didn’t have the strength anymore. I’ve been back to work for a few days now and with support, I’ve been managing.  Although this afternoon I got a little anxious before I left for a doctor’s appointment.  I certainly have a long way to go but I guess the difference now is I am at least trying to travel it instead of standing still.  I’ve been placed on the higher dose of the antidepressants.  The highest for this type.  The doc says it could take a couple of weeks to show any possible benefits.

So I’d like to thank everyone who has stuck by me even though I know that I caused problems in some areas.  I just couldn’t help it.  I will do better.  I have to do better.  I cannot go on like this.

 

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